Slumming it on the couch last Saturday night, I was watching Antiques Roadshow when an ad came on for Tim Tams. It was for their new “Chocolicious Bites” and I knew the moment to speak out for all Australians was upon me.
I’m not well favoured towards Tim Tams at the moment. (Wondering what a Tim Tam is? You poor thing but don’t worry, help is at hand.)
They’ve recently come out with all these new “flavours”. Yeah… I didn’t mind the double choc coat because that’s just a little more chocolate but the “Choc Orange”, the “Honeycomb” or the “Dark Rum & Raisin”?
No thank you. Tim Tams come in one flavour: Tim Tam flavour.
And all these “snack packs”? Just NO. Tim Tams come in packets of eleven, not nine, not five, and certainly not one. Seriously, what even are these things?
Now Tim Tams have really taken the biscuit with their Chocolicious Bites. (lol) You can watch the ad here if you haven’t seen it.
They’re inviting people to decide whether it’s chocolate or a biscuit. They’re treating it like it’s some fun, interactive game. Ooooo, what do I think it is? Chocolate or biscuit? Oh, such a hard decision! Watch me press this big shiny button like this is a legitimate question!
Tim Tams are biscuits. They always have been and always will be. If you need proof, where does the ad say you can find these mysterious “are-they-a-biscuit-or-are-they-a-chocolate” items?
In the biscuit aisle.
THE BISCUIT AISLE.
Nice one, Arnott’s, you idiots. Do you really think we’re that stupid? (Actually, don’t answer that.)
Tim Tams are as Australian as Apple Pie is American. We love our Tim Tams. We don’t want them to change. We certainly don’t want any upstart marketing strategy desecrating our National Biscuit. Sure, Arnott’s or actually Campbells might technically “own” Tim Tams but we all know that ownership is theoretical. The real owners of Tim Tams are you and me. (Mainly me.)
So please, please, get your sticky, money-hungry hands off my Tim Tams. Think of loyal, Tim Tam loving Aussies everywhere and leave our Tim Tams alone. Because once the Tim Tam falls, what do we have left?
Kangaroo meat, that’s what.
And God help us when try to drink our tea through that.