Arleen Spenceley has a brilliant post on why she won’t date guys who are “willing” to save sex for marriage.
This is the kind of guy who says he’s willing to wait if that’s what you want. He loves you and will do that if that’s what makes you happy.
Arleen gives four great reasons why you shouldn’t date such a a man but my favourite is this one:
Because I don’t want a man who acts chastely; I want a man who is chaste.We who practice chastity have apprenticeships in self-mastery. We promise to govern our appetites instead of being governed by them. A man who is “willing” to save sex in order to date me isn’t a man who governs his appetites. He’s a man who makes chaste girlfriends do that for him. If I date him, I govern two sets of appetites, which makes me an enabler: he doesn’t have to practice self-mastery if I master him.
Of course, when a man says he willing to save sex for marriage, it’s so tempting to believe him. After all, as he won’t be slow to remind you, he’s giving up soooo much for you.
But sooner or later, he’ll start to resent that he’s giving up his “right” to have ah-mahz-ing contracepted premarital sex. He’ll begin to wonder why you can’t give up your values too. If he gave up sex for you, shouldn’t you give up chastity for him? It’s only fair…
So he’ll cajole, flatter, manipulate and demand. He tell you how selfish you are and how you’re “killing” him. (Because, as we all know, not having sex is one of the major causes of death among the young adult population.)
Eventually, you’ll either give in or break up but either way, you’ll get your heart broken.
Of course and praise be to God, His merciful forgiveness is always available. There is no mistake too big for God — absolutely none. But if I know young Christian women (and being one, I’d say I do!), we’d rather live chastely all the days of our lives, whether as single women, consecrated women, or wives, than not and regret it later.
A man who says he is “willing” to save sex until marriage for your sake, isn’t really willing at all.
He’s only willing to wait until you change your mind and he’s gambling on the fact that he can make that happen.
My dear sisters, you deserve so much better. You deserve a man who is chaste and who treasures your chastity as the precious gift of the Holy Spirit.
Read the rest of Arleen’s post here or pin this post!