Lord, I have sinned.
It irks me to admit that. Shouldn’t I know better by now? You’d think so and yet here I am, Lord. I have sinned again and again, spurning your love and tender compassion, for no other reason than that I wanted to —
But You are the same Lord whose nature is nature is always to have mercy.
I could pretend that my sins aren’t that bad, mere foibles really — but that would be a lie. These sins hurt me. They stop me doing what I truly want to do — they stop me loving You. They bind me even more tightly in bondage to the passing pleasures of this world.
I could believe that my sins are too bad for Your mercy. That I deserve to suffer miserly and only deserve the name Christian when I’ve cleaned up my act. Part of me wants to beat myself up — anything to salve my pride and convince myself that I’m still in control: “If I can’t be the best, I’ll at least be the worst” snarls my unhappy ego.
But I will not believe these lies.
I will choose to believe in Your mercy. I will humble myself and believe that Your goodness is bigger than me.
Teach me again, Lord, that there is no shame in repentance, only joy. Show me again my weaknesses and help me be glad in my faults and falls — if only they bring me closer to You and remind me again of Your love. Help me to not become discouraged by my weakness but, in the midst of my stupidest sins (and some of them, Lord, are very stupid), help me to trust again in Your divine mercy.
I have so far to go. Just when I think I’ve got a handle on this “Christian thing”, I fall flat on my face. But You are always with me, Your shepherd’s staff comforts me. You lead me beside still waters — I am washed again by the living waters that flow from the pierced Heart of Jesus.
Today, I choose to trust in the Blood of Jesus and not in myself.
I choose mercy and joy.
In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.